I look at myself in the mirror, but the image that I see, the person looking back, that person isn’t me.
There’s a person in my mirror, with stubble and short hair, there’s a person in my mirror that doesn’t wear the clothes I wear.
There’s a person looking back at me whose lips are thin, whose hair is grey – their body is all masculine, no curves no shape – no way.
No way that this is me, in there, looking out into my eyes – no way that I can reconcile myself with this disguise.
I’m not a man, I’m feminine, my skin is smooth and clear. My hair is long, my lips are full. Why can’t I see this here?
Why can’t I see in this mirror the face I know is mine?
Why can’t I look upon myself and feel that all is fine?
Why must I suffer every day, knowing that inside I’m not the sight that you all see.
My spirit is denied. Denied the truth of being seen the way I feel I should.
Denied the right to be myself – denied what’s in my blood.
Why are my body and my mind so torn and so at odds?
Why was I born this way at all?
Is it a joke amongst the gods?
Is this a lesson I need to learn, am I punished from on high?
Is this a test? – is this a curse that will plague me til I die?
I cannot be this person, I cannot live this life.
I cannot bare the torment, I cannot bare the strife.
I need to see the person that I know that I should be.
I need to see that person looking back at me.
So I will do all that I can to make that person known.
I will plant her seed in me and tend it til it’s grown.
I will change my future now.
I will defy the gods.
I will be a woman.
I will beat all the odds.
I will take the tablets.
I will take the knife, I will change my face, my sex, I will change my life.
I am Maddie, look at me, see what’s deep inside.
I am Maddie and I will be what my mirror tries to hide.