Summary
All I asked was to live my life as my true self. Steph Richards blog post provides a poignant account of her lifelong journey with gender dysphoria, detailing her transition at age 58 as a necessary act of survival after decades of suppression. She uses her personal history to show that gender identity is formed in early childhood and advocates for a more inclusive society.
All I asked was to live my life as my true self.
All I asked was to live my life as my true self. I can’t remember what my earliest memory was as a child, but I certainly know what the overriding one was. I should have been born a girl.
I must have been four or five when I told my mum – she responded by giving me my sister’s skirt. It was known as my “dancing skirt.” It was a full “A-line” yellow with blue and white flowers. Given my sister was 7 years my senior, it no longer fitted her, or indeed me – my mum secured it around my waist with a safety pin.
As years passed, I hoarded my sister’s old clothes under the floorboards of the old cottage we lived in, wearing them at night in bed, dreaming I would become a girl the next morning. The very first time my parents left me alone at home, I simply had to walk through the village wearing my sister’s old clothes.
Gender identity is formulated at an early age, often as young as 3. Certainly, by 4 or 5, kids know the difference between boys and girls. This fact blows apart the gender-critical arguments put forward by organisations like LGB Alliance, which say trans kids are really gay. Frankly, it’s bollocks, sexuality is formed in gay males at about 10 years and females at 13, and if there is one thing we actually do agree on, it’s that gender identity and sexuality are different.
I suffered gender dysphoria for over 50 years – keeping going for everyone else in my life, trying to “man up”, cross-dressing, and self-harming to get relief.
It didn’t work.
The day dawned, do I take my own life or transition? How far did I need to drop from the rafters in the garage with a rope around my neck? How would my kids feel if their dad committed suicide?
Coming out was the only option – my life started at 58 years of age. I jockingly say I am now just 15 years of age – if only. I still look back with huge regrets, I should have been a mum, but I wasnt – I was a dad.
My transition took nearly ten years, cost close to £35k, and was indeed physically painful – undertaking one of the most difficult journeys in humanity was never going to be easy. It was, however, a matter of survival and one I certainly dont regret.
Lower surgery, five years of electrolosis and two years of voice coaching costs – but the highest cost of all is the gender-criticals.
People who do their damndest to ensure trans kids don’t transition, and if they do, ensure their lives are made as miserable as possible.
However, in an accepting, inclusive society, we have to tolerate people with diverse views. Racists, misogynists, homophobes, transphobes and indeed many others with numerous prejudices.
I know it’s not easy for trans people like myself, nor the disabled, people of colour or those minority faiths, but we should take comfort in the fact that most British people ARE simply wonderful.
By Steph….. All I asked was to live my life as my true self.
